Unhealthy Me

Yes I suffer from panic attacks. I was actually diagnosed with a panic disorder. I have suffered from this issue for as far as I can remember I just didn’t know what they were.

It is hard to tell people who have never suffered any kind of panic what really goes one in your head and with your body when you are having one of these awful attacks. My husband never believed in them until he experienced what I exactly go through and how scary it is to see someone you love suffer the way I do.

I am going to try to explain it the best I can to those of you who have never felt this before. The  way I feel when having a panic attack is simply I think I am dying. I have heart issues to start with (heart murmur and arterial fibrillation) but of course the panic attack makes me feel like I am having a heart attack. There have been times I have been in bed and all I could do is listen to my heart beating in my ears to be sure it was still beating. Panic attacks takes the most logical person and turns them into the most irrational person you have ever met.

Classic panic attack

When you have a panic attack you know logically it is just a panic attack and it has to pass, but there is that little voice crying “maybe it isn’t a panic attack this time”.

I have been to the emergency room on numerous accounts to be told “you are having a panic attack there is nothing wrong with you”. You go home feeling like a fool and still having the panic go on.  There are medications that help keep these attacks under control but they don’t always work.

This is one of my health issues and one of the reasons why I have been absent for a while. I also have physical health issues as well. These issues are harder to define because we don’t know what is wrong. I thought it was a hormonal imbalance because I had rapid hair growth, weight fluctuations, and exhaustion. The doctor took a lot of blood and urine from me and ran tests to see what the issue was. When everything was said and done the only issue I have is low B12. Everything else was within normal limits.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired!

Finally everything came to a head on the evening of my nephew’s prom. I couldn’t enjoy the day and have fun watching him prepare for this big event because I just felt like crud. I was sad and crying, felt like someone took my batteries out, and had panic because I just didn’t feel well.

I decided the next day I was going to change my diet because something had to give. I cut out a lot of the bad carbs in my diet and started to make sure there were fruits and vegetables in my diet. Of course feeling awful didn’t go away instantly but I slowly started to feel better. It took more than a week not to feel winded when walking. My husband and I decided he was going to join me for my doctor’s visit a week later.

When I went to my doctor we discussed how I have been feeling, why I think I am having issues with my weight and the lack of test results. He is going to order more blood tests and send me to a specialist about my weight. There are many thoughts and ideas in the works right now and I am still not sure what I will be doing about my weight issues. We decided to meet again in 3 months to do the blood tests we talked about and to talk about what the specialist says.

I am still trying to eat well which means I measure and account for everything I put in my mouth.

Of course there will be more updates as I find out more.

My next post I will be giving an update on the status of my business.

I hope you stay tuned!

Let’s Grow A Garden!

The above picture is what my dream garden would look like. For now we have to work with this…

Not that spectacular is it? Well it is just starting out. My girls have been itching to try a garden again. Yes, I said again.  I tried to make a garden 4 years back when I was still working in a traditional office setting and it just didn’t work out. I didn’t have the time and energy needed to make it work.

Now that I work from home and my girls are older I have the time and I can teach them how to help me. We started our garden project on Saturday and I am proud to say we have plant life growing in our little garden.

And here are my little gardeners…

We had a blast working the ground and getting everything planted. To be honest I did most of the hard labor and the girls planted all the seeds and watered. I know I will be relying on my 10-year-old more than my 8-year-old. When the work got tough my 8-year-old K disappeared and my 10-year-old D was still there helping as much as she could.

We planted watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes, carrots, lettuce, Brussels sprouts, string beans, cucumbers, broccoli rabe, and kale. I am hoping that we will be successful. I purchased the seeds to start but I am in the process of also collecting and saving my own.  I have radish and mini sweet peppers for the next time we plant. I am also investigating seed swaps near me in hopes of expanding my garden variety. I plan on planting again in August after this round of vegetables and fruits have been harvested.

For Christmas the girls each got a fairy garden. We decided to make those herb gardens, where they planted parsley, chives, garlic chives and sweet basil.

I figured if we are successful we will have one heck of a salad 😉

That’s all for now, stay tuned for more.

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Back In the Office

Yes it is not much but it is mine and it keeps me focused. This is the first time since the Christmas tree went up that I have been able to work at my desk.

It feels good to finally get back into the swing of things properly. I love that the baby has a place to play while I work it makes for a nice day.

Many things have happened in the past few weeks. Lots of things that should bring me down…and I am not going to lie yes I am a little depressed but I am going to keep moving forward!

The month of January signifies the beginning of a new year a fresh start. For me they have been a constant struggle.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am working towards my goals.

I am finally getting my life back on track after my loss of family in November. It seems like I am slowly making my way back into an upswing (and I will hopefully stay there for a while).

I started this post in January and I am finishing it in February just in time for my brother’s birthday celebration!

Between my financial crisis, my health and life I have put this blog on the back burner and it saddened me that I was not able to get back to it until now.

I have had some really great family moments in the weeks that I have not been around and I do have pictures of my wonderful family to share.

Tomorrow marks the start of my life struggle of being in better health. I don’t know where to start and there are doctor’s test results to get back before I make big decisions on what direction I am going with my health. I do want to assure everyone that it’s nothing life threatening, I either will find out if I am having a hormone shift in my body or if I have diabetes or both. When I find out the results I will be able to educate myself and make good health decisions. Until then I am going for the plain and simple route.

STOP EATING THE CRAP!

Yes tomorrow starts my morning oatmeal again and making better health choices like drinking more water, eating more fruits, veggies and whole foods, and cutting out the refined sugars.

I am also going to try to get to bed earlier and try to do the bulk of my workday during the day. Sleep is one of the things I put off so I can do more work and fit more in my days.

Now for pleasant things pictures:

Daddy, Maddie and K on New’s Year’s Day

Maddie and Daddy at the Park

Daddy & Mommy’s Sweetheart!

Sneaky Maddie eating K’s apple

 

I think I am ending this post on a good note and I will be posting again Wednesday….the hump day!

I thank everyone for staying with me and supporting me through these times.

 

New Year’s Goals

I decided I have been on hiatus long enough. I am starting with my New Year’s Goals, notice I did not say “Resolutions”.

1. Try to make healthier choices for the family
2. Finding ways to save more money
3. Blogging on a steady basis
4. Incorporating 1&2 with my blogging

I don’t know if anyone has noticed but I am working recipes and the changes in the food shopping in my posts.

Never fear I will still be posting about freelancing, being a work from home Mom and owning a new and upcoming business.

Today has been a very quiet and relaxing day. I spent time with the family and made a delicious dinner of Ham, Black Eyed Peas, Broccoli Rabe, Mashed Potatoes and Homemade Dinner Rolls.

 

As you can see from this post and many others, I love to cook. More importantly I love to cook for my family. My best friend Soli has a saying on her fridge and I love it “Love People Cook Them Tasty Food”. I totally believe this saying, when you cook for ones you love, the food you make tastes the best. Why? Well because you use the best ingredients, and you cook with all your heart and soul.

I look forward to sharing many recipes, things I learn and of course information concerning freelancing. I hope this will be an extraordinary year and I look forward to sharing it with you.

I will be posting again in a few days I hope you stay tuned.

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Wrapping Up 2014

I know it has been awhile since my last post, this month has flown by so quickly. I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday (no matter what you celebrated)!

I thought I would make my last post of the be a wrap up of everything that has happened.

There has been some triumphs, happy  and sad times as well. I am thankful for the opportunities that this year has provided for me and I hope that this upcoming year will be just as fruitful.

I am planning to continue with my blogging and I hope it develops into one that I am proud of, and will give you my readers entertainment, information and a few ideas and tips.

Before moving forward into the next year I do want to share a few holiday pictures since  I didn’t get a chance to post them earlier.

Those are just the highlights.

I am posting this one picture because I want you to give me a good caption for the picture. My nephew was showing us how he feels about family moments:

I say the caption is “Am I really related to these people?” What do you think?

Since tonight is New Years Eve I am going to share one of the recipes I used tonight.

Vegetable Stuffed Mushrooms

2 green peppers

2 carrots

1/4 large onion

2 cloves of garlic

4 table spoons of butter

1 sleeve of buttery club crackers

1/2 cup of Italian seasoned bread crumbs

2 quarts whole mushrooms (about 45-50 mushrooms)

Grate green peppers, carrots, and onion, in bowl. Mince garlic, add seasoned bread crumbs and butter. Crush buttery club crackers and add to mixture. Clean the mushrooms and remove stems, chop stems finely and add to vegetable, crumb mixture. Stuff mushroom caps with mixture and cook in 350 degree oven for 30-40 minutes or until cooked thoroughly.

Well I hope you enjoyed this small post. Thank you all for supporting me through this year of blogging and I am sure the next year will bring more posts.

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My Last Weekend In Connecticut, Plus My week Wrapped Up!

This was taken at the park down the street from my friend’s house. The baby has enjoyed playing in the chilly autumn wind. It’s nice to see her playing outside with little rosy apple cheeks. As the title of my post says this is in fact my last weekend in Connecticut. I fly back home on Thursday, it will be a bittersweet day for us. I wish I could stay here with my friend to help her through this next year of adjustment. Going through old memories, making the house hers and just to be the moral support she needs in this really tough time.  But I know it is time for me to head back home to my husband, other children and family who have missed me the past few weeks. I will be sad when I go because even though this is not my home any longer I still have some really strong ties to the land, people and traditions that make up who I am  and who I will always be inside. I am not going to lie and tell you that when I get off the plane on Thursday and see my smiling husband’s face that I will not be happy to be home because I will. I will hug my husband and head out to pick up our other daughters from school and have a long overdue family meal at our dining room table once again. I will also be looking forward to getting back on track with my work schedule and kicking my work up a notch. Until then my friend and I are going to work on the days we have left and enjoy our time together. I must admit I have been adventurous while I have been here and tried many things I would never picture myself eating and actually liking.

1. Brussels Sprouts
2. Asparagus
3. Kale
4. Tongue (which I like well enough but have to work on not thinking about it being tongue).
   

   The only food that can taste you back!

5. Spaghetti Squash

I  have found that roasting vegetables works best for me because it brings out the sweetness of the vegetable. So I am going to be buying more fresh veggies and roasting them when I get home. I am also going home with live yogurt grains and will be trying my hand at making fresh yogurt. I already have water kefir grains at home and I will be working on those as well. And homemade bread will be coming back to the house too. I haven’t gotten on a scale since I left home, but I am pretty sure I have lost some weight. I am going to go home and start fresh and not work on loosing weight but work on eating better. No crazy walking regimen I can never keep up with, just getting out and about when I can. I have continued my reading on Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon and I agree with a lot of what Linda has to say and then of course there are some things not so much. Of course that falls into everyone has their own opinion. I do have to say most of what she conveys is very common sense but to actually have someone write it and you read it gives you that AHA moment. One thing I have taken away from my reading (so far) is I am not going to diet anymore! From the on and off diet rollercoaster I have messed up my body and I am just going to do the following things:

1. Eat slower – I am actually going to take my time and eat my meals enjoying every bite.
2. Choose better foods –  I will choose better foods that will sustain me longer, rather than just grabbing at what looks good (which usually is not all that great for your body).

I think with those two things alone I will be doing 100% better than before I started to read the book. Of course when I finish the book completely I will weigh in on the entire book. Thanksgiving was amazing! I actually didn’t have to cook anything this year so I took my time in the morning and lounged around in my pajamas. We headed out and visited some of my friend’s family, it was nice seeing how other families interact on a holiday and they made me feel very welcome. Later in the afternoon we went to a friend’s house for dinner and were able to talk about my friend’s Mom and how she impacted all of us and what we were thankful for. It was great conversation, much laughter, some tears and a wonderful evening filled with new traditions and friends. My husband took care of Thanksgiving dinner at the house and I have heard and seen he did a beautiful job. One of the things that made my holiday was as I was sitting down to dinner with new friends my husband sent me pictures of my family sitting down to dinner, it was like we were all together celebrating the day, I held back the tears.

Below are the pictures my husband shared with me, for a first time Thanksgiving I think he did well. The turkey looks great (and he doesn’t even eat turkey).

We had dessert visited and went home to put a very tired little girl to bed.

Black Friday we boycotted shopping and spent the morning lounging around the house, eating breakfast, and watching television at our leisure. Then we went out to dinner, a nice Mexican Restaurant called Ixtapa and indulged in good food and great drinks, I actually had fried ice cream for the first time and it was delicious!

El Presidente Margaritas Ole!

I was able to do enough work on Wednesday to take the day off on Thursday but I was back to work on Friday. The best part of being a freelance VA is you work at your own time in your own place, so work was not a big deal for me. I could get things down while sitting on the couch watching movies with my bestie. I have watched so many great movies in the last few weeks (and some shows too).

So I hope you enjoyed my post  this week. I will be home on Thursday and after getting situated and re-acquainted with my family I will be back to posting every other day. I am sure my next post will be mentioning my last few days in Connecticut, the flight home, new things I am working on and being home.

I thank you for understanding my absenteeism and look forward to picking the pace back up soon.

Stay tuned!

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It’s Cold Outside So…Here is My Week Wrapped Up!

It’s Cold Outside Baby

The baby and I are still in Connecticut, we will be flying back home on December 5th and Daddy will be meeting us at the airport!

Things have been nice while we have been visiting, this week we have done many different things.

We decided to got to IKEA and pick up some boxes to store things that Soli does not know what to do with yet. Of course we played in the kids section and found a mushroom cap for Soli to model.

Nothing says kids toy like a poisonous mushroom!

I can easily say that every day we go out and run some kind of errand, there is always a to-do list. I find this helpful because we are getting things in the house done and assuring we have time away from the house.

My baby has been showing signs of being homesick. This Saturday we did our shopping at the Farmer’s Market  like we did last week. She stopped at every dog to greet it and pet it like it was her dogs, and we also saw a little girl about the same age as my oldest daughter running towards us. She made me put her down to run to her just to be disappointed it was not her older sister. We also spent time with a mutual friend and watch the Doctor Who (Day of the Doctor) Special and this mutual friend has certain attributes like my Mother has so the whole day the baby was calling this friend Nana. We kept correcting her but by the end of the night the friend told the baby it was ok for her to call her Nana. I am sure when we head home she will happy to be in her Daddy’s arms and give her sisters and animals the love she wants and will see her Nana and PopPop.

Soli and I have this agreement, she cooks breakfast and I cook dinner and we make our own lunches. So I have been taking the time to cook veggies I normally don’t eat because I have a very particular pallet. I am actually cooking veggies and trying them to see which one I like and which I do not care for. So far everything I have made I have actually enjoyed, even Brussels sprouts. I have found the key…roasting them.

Last week I made baked chicken with seasonings, roasted fennel, Brussel sprouts and broccoli, and a side of baked sweet potatoes and apples. Everything came out so good, and it was super simple to make.

Roast Chicken and Veggies

The best thing about this meal is everything is cooked in the oven at the same temperature for almost the same amount of time. I have found the foods that cook the longest ate the ones you put in the oven first. In this case it is the chicken.

Baked Chicken – Chicken Breast, Leg and Thigh (half of a chicken) placed in a Pyrex dish with the following seasonings: lemon pepper, garlic, salt and rosemary.

Once this is placed in the oven you work on the next dish.

Roasted Veggies – Fennel, Brussels sprouts and broccoli cooked in lard with salt to taste. The hardest part of cooking this meal is prepping the vegetables, but is not difficult at all.

Then the last dish:

Roasted Apple and Sweet Potato – I made sure I washed the sweet potato well bad cut it up, left the skin on both it and the apple (for fiber!),  added butter, brown sugar and cinnamon.

At the end of cooking when the roasted veggies are just about browned you add a small pat of butter and cook for another 10 minutes. This aids the browning and is just simply delicious.

Mommy veggies are yummy!

All the veggies and the chicken were organic and fresh, nothing was in a jar or mass-produced. I am going to say this because I feel it needs to be said. I live in a household of 7 people and for me to be able to buy organic is harder but I do try. With that said I am not promoting organic to make anyone feel like they HAVE to use organic products. I am promoting feeding your family good food which is more veggies and meats. As long as you are preparing vegetables that are fresh, flash frozen or pickled there is nothing wrong with that. Do not feel that having the label of organic makes everything better. I am lucky this week because I have the freedom to eat these foods because it is what my friend Soli purchases. When I go home I will be buying fresh vegetables to cook for my family and if I cannot find them at a good price organic I will just buy them fresh.  That is the key, feeding your family good food your prepare yourself rather than opening a box. I like the ideas of Nourished Living Network (NLN) and I am trying to adopt things others are doing as well. I am also a fan of supporting my local farmers and when I get the chance I buy from them (usually during the summer months when the flea markets are open).

*steps off soapbox*

Last night it was actually cold enough to snow. I was so happy, although it did not snow a lot, but there was enough to take pictures to send to my older daughters to see. I shall share them with you.

 

And then this morning after I showed the baby the snow she fell and hit her head against the coffee table and got a nice little shiner.

I have a black eye because I fought with a coffee table!

This morning she was in such a good mood dancing to music and then there was a sickening thud and as any Mom has seen the “I stop breathing” for 5 seconds and then an outcry and screaming. My world went into slow motion and I could not pick her up fast enough. Soli and I both thought she hit the top of her head and I was looking for a bruise when the bruise you see in the picture above started growing out of nowhere. I started to panic (which I hate admitting to) and then after a few moments I pulled it together and picked up the kids homeopathic kit which has a bumps and bruises ointment and Arnica Montana. The arnica is a ingestible tablet that helps bring down swelling and cares for the bump and bruise. Within 10-15 minutes my baby was walking around and playing again. I am going to be honest when I had to put her down for a nap 2 hours later I still was worried and had Soli set up the baby monitor so we could listen to make sure she was ok.

After nap we went out and ran a few errands with Aunt Soli and things were back to normal.

Happy in the Car

As for working, I am still doing my virtual assisting and getting things done on a daily basis. I love that I am able to work, help my best friend and take care of my baby while away from home. I would have never been able to do this with a “normal” job and that is what I am thankful for this year. I know I will be thinking it on Thursday when I am spending time with my best friend who is starting new family traditions, which  I am honored to be part of  this year. I will be counting my blessings from the moment I lost my job, which I thought was the end of the world but in reality it was just the beginning.

I hope you enjoyed my post this week. I think I am keeping posting to once a week until I am home and back into the swing of things (which will probably be the beginning of the new year) and then I will be back to posting every 2 days.

If there is anything you want you comment on or suggest please feel free to fill out the form below.

Please stay tuned, until next time!

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November She is a Fickle Friend

Yes that is a picture taken from an airplane. Where am I going you ask? Well let’s back up a little.

It has been exactly 16 days since I have posted last and in those 16 days things have moved freakishly fast for me.

My best friend who I have mentioned before Soli has been tending to a very ill mother, a mother who I called my surrogate mother when mine was not around. Well I received a call on Tuesday November 5th, 2013 from my best friend, letting me know that she was cancelling her trip to come and visit after Thanksgiving (her annual family visit). I could hear the sadness in her voice and let her know that it was ok that her mom was more important and that if her mom needed help to stay home.

Up until this point I was not sure how sick my best friend’s mom really was. I talked to my darling husband and he looked at things and told me if I needed to travel and help my best friend care for her mother then that was what I needed to do. He was great and told me that I could take our youngest child and head up to Connecticut for a month and take care of things. I was floored my husband was willing to let me go for a month and he would hold down the fort for me. I told my best friend as much and at the time she was unsure about what she wanted to do, so I told her the offer was good as long as she needed me.

Three days later I am out taking my mother to a doctor’s appointment and I get a call from my best friend, which I missed because I was in the library at the time. I get back to the car and check my phone and my heart stops and I am afraid to call her back but I still make the call. She is tells me her mother is heading to Hospice and could I fly up to help her out. Less than 24 hours later I am on a plane with my youngest daughter flying to Connecticut.

In retrospect I am so glad I left when I did because I was able to say goodbye to a wonderful woman who was a big part of my teen years. Yes we lost my best friends mother on Veteran’s Day, which happens to be a big day in my life it is my middle Daughter’s Birthday and my Brother and Sister-In-Law’s  Anniversary. So it is easy to say it’s a day I will never miss.

So now I am here in Connecticut for a month caring/comforting my best friend in this major change in her life. We are spending time taking care of arrangements, going through stuff and cleaning (steps that need to be taken) and most of all keeping each other company in this rough time.

So for the next few weeks my posts will talk about my life up in Connecticut, working long distance,  the beauty of being a VA and I think there will be a few posts about my life when I lived in Connecticut.

And because I have been absent for 16 days I am going to give you something extra to make up for the lost time.

I am going to add one of my comfort foods I made for my best friend per her request:

Gluten Free “Adult” Mac & Cheese – why “Adult” you ask? Because I made it with some items children are not fond of…Pancetta and shallots. So without further adieu here is my recipe I give to you!

• 8oz of Pancetta
• 4oz Real Butter
• 1 small shallot
• 1 tbsp. Olive Oil
• 4tbsp. Arrowroot Flour
• 1 tsp. Ground Turmeric
• 1 tsp. Garlic Seasoning Salt
• 1 1/2 cup of Whole Milk
• 8oz of Cream Cheese
• 16oz of Whole Milk Ricotta Cheese
• 8oz of White Cheddar Cheese
• 1 egg
• 16oz of Rice Elbow Macaroni
• Salt & Pepper to taste

In a small pot you are going to heat the olive oil until warm and then add chopped pancetta. Render the fat from the pancetta then removed cooked and crisped pancetta to the side. Start to cook the rice pasta (cook until a la dente). Add chopped shallot and cook until soft then add butter. Let the butter melt and cook down a bit then add arrowroot flour and let cook until the flour starts to brown and smell like cooking dough. Add turmeric, garlic season salt, milk and cream cheese. Use wire whisk to stir until cream cheese is melted and incorporated then add ricotta and do the same. When the ricotta is incorporated add small cubes of white cheddar cheese to pot and stir, let the cheese melt down a bit. Scramble egg and slowly temper it with the cheese sauce. Heat oven to 350 degrees and have casserole dish ready.  Drain the pasta and put back into cooking pot, then add cheese sauce to the pasta and mix thoroughly (add a few pieces of the reserve pancetta). Put macaroni in the casserole dish and add pancetta to top of dish. Cook in oven for 30 minutes or until top of  mac & cheese is golden brown. Serve, this dish easily serves a family of 4 – 6 people.

As you can see this is not a recipe you can eat every week. It if very rich, heavy and will fill you up. It is delicious, I happened to use organic food items when making this recipe because my friend lives in an area where organic food is easy to find, but using non organic is just as good.

I hope you make this recipe and enjoy every bite. I will be posting again in 2 days time and I will be sharing the ease of working as a virtual assistant/freelancer when traveling.

I hope you stay tuned!

 

Pumpkins, Costumes and Candy, Makes for a Great Halloween!

I love that cartoon because that is how I used to feel the day after Halloween when I was a kid. Unfortunately for my kids I am not as cool as my Mom was when it comes to Halloween candy. There is a limit to how much candy they can have. So because of this I have the annual issue of tons of left over candy. Well this year I was smarter. I actually had a time limit of how long the kids went trick or treating.

This is what they came home with:

Oldest Daughter’s Haul (Cleopatra)

Middle Daughter’s Haul (Ballerina Bat Girl)

They both collected enough candy to fit into a gallon sized zip bag and that shall be rationed at a decent pace. I was happy because it wasn’t tons of candy, they were happy because they went trick-or-treating and came home with something. It was truly a win-win situation. I know there are those of you that have a lot of candy at home and don’t want your kids to eat it all, so I decided to share this web article I found  15 Ways to Use Leftover Halloween Candy. I read through this article and there are some really great ideas that the kids would love to get involved in sharing their Halloween stash with others (and maybe get a great prize on top of the joy of sharing with others).

Before the trick-or treating happened we had pumpkin carving. My husband handles this because he has major carving skills. The girls picked HUGE pumpkins this year as seen in my last post Birthday, Costumes and Pumpkins a Quick Palmer Weekend!

Well we have pictures on how the carving went from pumpkin to Kitty themed Jack-o-Lanterns.

What is going on?

My youngest daughter is funny to watch because there is so much interest and curiosity.

Pumpkin guts!

Yes that is my oldest in the background de-gutting her pumpkin in a dress…can we say girly girl?

Hello anyone home?

Now the next two pictures are priceless to me because of the curiosity of my little one.

Does this taste good?

You know what is coming…I know you do!

Oh yes she did!

I can say my youngest is willing to try anything!

Now I know you have seen the costumes but I actually was able to take more pictures with the costumes and the Jack-o-Lanterns.

Having technical difficulties

Beautiful Girls!

When we made it home from our night on the town, I took pictures of the Jack-o-Lanterns in the dark.

Spooky Cats

And the kids made a Halloween Gingerbread House with Daddy!

So that is our Halloween at the Palmer House! I hope you enjoyed our post and got some good information as well.

In two days time I will be writing about why sleep is important when working freelance and how I did not make sleep my priority this week and what happened to me because of my choices.

I hope you stay tuned!

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Mirror, Mirror I Pulled It Off the Wall!

So here it begins, this is where I will start to address everything I have been dealing with since I was a kid.

Like I said in Weight…Now it’s Serious I have been on a diet for most of my life. I don’t want my daughters to look in the mirror and see the following image:

I look at my children right now and they look healthy and beautiful. They have pudgy little tummies that all children have and they fit in clothes that are the proper size for them (well actually we shop for them in the junior section because they are taller than girls their age).

I do admit my children dress a little unconventional, I would call it fashion sense of their own. But it is nothing I can’t handle (My oldest daughter wears funky patterns and colors together) but that is not awful, she is finding herself and I will let her express how she feels as long as she is well-groomed and wears clothes that fit her.

I never have ever used the “D” word with any of my girls (even my niece when I had custody of her). I believe that children do not need to worry about things like diets because they are growing and the last thing they need to worry about is “Does this make my butt look big?”

With that all said it is good that I am making these decisions about raising my girls but what about me? I need to change what I see in the mirror because what I see is far worse than that little cartoon above.  A few weeks back I said as much to my best friend and she had enough of me talking about diets and my weight she told me to get “Health At Every Size” by Linda Bacon and read it. I agreed and put the book on my waiting list for the library.

Well I have the book and I have read the Preface, Introduction and part of Chapter 1. Well to put it as honestly as I can. I was tearing up and shaking my head in agreement in just the Preface. Linda Bacon really knows how I feel, what I see and how my life has been for the last 26 years of my life.

But of course I read and do research of the perception of what “fat” is now. The perception of the “perfect” body size has drastically changed in the past 200 years. What was once seen as curvy, voluptuous, and even plump is now replaced with words like obese, fat, gross, sloppy and gargantuan. I want to be seen as voluptuous not sloppy!

I found a project artist Anna Utopia Giordano completed. She took famous paintings of “voluptuous” women and Photoshopped them to todays standard of what a “proper” sized woman should look like. I am linking the blog written by lrbizarrebazaar called “Famous Nudes Get Photoshpped Skinner” so you can see what the project looks like. I don’t think the Photoshopped version isn’t awful just not really the idea of healthy.

I know as a woman of 6’3″ I will never be the standard of skinny EVER! Of course it doesn’t help that I have had three children and I am over the age of 30 (closer to 40 actually). I never did the “diet” thing to be  super skinny I just wanted to fit into smaller clothes, be healthier and have more time with my children. But I have learned in the past year that having more time with my kids or what I can do is all about time and not weight. I now just want to learn to be happy in the skin that I am in. I want my daughters to see a confident woman who is happy about her size.

I want to end this post with the one thing that has me re-evaluating everything. I caught my middle daughter was doing crunches the other day because she said “I need to get healthy” she then mentioned she has to weigh her food like my husband and I have been doing and that is when I realized even though I don’t talk to the girls about their weight they see me and hear me talking about my dissatisfaction with my weight and I just don’t want them to worry about weight so I need to change something.

In the next couple of weeks I will be posting about the things I am learning while reading “Health At Every Size”. I will not post about the book and ruin it for others who are interested in reading. I will simply be posting about how the book is changing me and what the changes or lack of changes are doing for me.

I will still post about my freelancing, my family and other subjects as well and I hope you will stay tuned and follow me through this journey!

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